Movie Review

I wrote a bunch for eFilm Critic, this respected, super-hip movie review site.

http://www.efilmcritic.com/hbs.cgi?reviewer=156

I'm going to talk about a movie I love, Once Upon A Time In America. It's one of two of Sergio Leone's epic movies about the United States, the other being Once Upon A Time In The West. It starts with a bunch of kids, a gang of resourceful street urchins lead by Robert Dineiro & James Woods. They quickly begin to encroach not only on the territory of other youth gangs, but on the territory of the mafiosos and such. There is one great scene where they devise a way to hide bootleg liquor under the surface of the water, so that when a shipment is about to be intercepted by the feds, the people on the boat dump these packages with counterweights filled with salt. After they get off scot free, they go back to where the booze is under the water and the salt in the bags dissolves so the buoys pop back up. Zoink! BRILLIANT!

Woods' character is the one that wants it all, always thinks too big. Dineiro's character is the more cynical one, who doesn't want much more than to make enough money to win the heart of his childhood sweetheart, a jewish girl who thinks him douchey & without value, while she dreams of being a big shot actress & superstar herself. There's one really terrible scene where he does all these things for her, romances her, pours his heart out to her, and she pretty much tells him: NOPE, I wanna go to HOLLYWOOD & be a BIG STAR. But, ya know, sorry and everything, I'm truly crazy about you. AHHHHHRRRG! Hoops & hoops and hoops. He ravishes her, she flees for Hollywood, then he spends most of the movie all brooding and filled with guilt, consorting with ladies of the night, half-heartedly. Isn't feeling it. He goes to opium dens to zone out, ease the pain. Isn't feeling that so much either. This movie is pretty Tarantino. It jumps from past to present to future, back again. My favorite part is where the leader of another youth gang is chasing them, shoots the youngest one & kills him.



As years go by, Woods and Deneiro grow apart in their values. Dineiro is humble, doesn't want a lot of attention & heat, Woods wants it all, is out of control, wants to try to knock over a Federal Reserve. Dineiro tries to get the cops to bust him on some little charge to keep him from doing something suicidal, so Woods sets him up & disappears. The end of the movie is amazing. I won't give that away. Never give away a punchline.

It's just a great fucking movie. Scorcese must have watched it, because Gangs of New York has some similarities.



Back before every damn trailer revealed the ending of the movie. What morons make trailers now? "(Moviefone Voice) Bruce Willis is a guy who thinks he's alive, but is really a ghost psychologist. Coming next month: THE SIXTH SENSE. Enjoy the movie I just ruined for you, schmucks. (DUMB DUMB DUMB)."

"IN A WORLD, WHERE APES EVOLVED FROM MEN BECAUSE MEN BLEW UP THE WORLD WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS, CHARLETON HESTON IS ON...THE PLANET OF THE APES. (EXPLOSION)"

NoOOooooo! You damn dirty bastards. You went & did it, didn't you! You went and rooo-ined this fuckin movie for me! (falls to knees at movie theatre)