DNA Beach Blanket Bingo (Part 2)

My ex "EH" used to play DNA blanket bingo with me all the time, when I was more interested in playing beach blanket bingo, starring Annette Funnicello & whatever that greaser's name was..Frankie Vanilla. Took me a couple of years to fully recover from EH. A spoiled craphead..a WAP (White American Princess). Mmm, an old car that was good like 20 years ago and is given to you with some duct tape on the bumper is not same as a Honda Civic with 20,000 miles on it. But, if you have an old car, I must say Jiffy Lube 5,000 mile checkins are worth the money..just watch them because they try to swindle you..make them stick to the advertised fluid check price, they'll try and throw on a buncha crap to bilk you. Pep Boys & Autozone are great too, don't try to sell you more than you need, will even come out to look at stuff if there's time. Even inflate tires.

Anyway, EH's dad was wealthy, worked in the arms industry. He had lots of Air Force connections, made things that kill people, yet would subscribe to Utne Reader. Who we fooling? Not this cat. Then he'd be all arrogant with me.."Ohhhh...YOU DON'T READ UTNE READER, huh." OH NO, there is a CLOUD of SMUG in the building! Interesting rag, sure..but I don't want a dirty pool full of algae scum & amoebas that is far more upkeep than a damn container in the ground with some water in it. I'm perfectly happy with a little chlorinated pool or hottub. If I want to swim in natural water, I'll go to springs, a lake, a mountain river, etc. I don't shuffle papers for an industry that makes clusterbombs that look like colorful toys so kids will pick them up in the desert. "Hey bawss, let's make these bomblets look like rubber duckies".."GREAT IDEA, LARRY! Haw haw! You get a raise! We are in this machination of bureacracy, we are totally beyond reproach! HEIL BENJAMINS! BTW, did you read the new Utne Reader, there's a good article on Ed Begley Jr in there." I think I can skip the formalities and head for a clean hottub, thank you.

My poppy's flag has become a prized possession for me. I would never let anyone throw it away..like Linus on crackrock "NOOOOO MY BLANKET! IMMA SLEEP ON DA SKREET, SO LONG AS I GOT MAH BLANKET". I was tired of leftcore & rightcore dingbats that don't appreciate what many immigrants and natives appreciate more. This country is Babylon AD, sure, but it's all I got at present. While the neocons are squabbling with the leftcores, I'll be right there picking the neo-con's pocket, & I'll be slipping an invite in the leftcore's pocket that says "Armless Party @ 9". BECAUSE..the leftie is annoying, but has the better heart. Get their arms ripped off fighting battles for communist martyr stuff. Armless martyrs need to have fun too, and need people to hold their drinks for them. Maha. They have less money and don't have a basement full of humidors with smuggled Cuban cigars. I LIKE this country. "ZUKA, WHATCHEW DOIN, ZUKA!" I'm just doin what I do (something a crazy homeless dude with a filed down screwdriver said to me in New Orleans..YEAH. I was like "Oh, I gotchya man. You keep stabbing the air with that..I think you could make bank doing that at kids parties." EXIT STAGE LEFT) Circle the wagons, chuck, there's injuns on the horizon! Plenty of opportunities for people with values & passion in babylon AD.


Having your DNA dissected is pretty painful. Not everyone has every jenga piece, pulling the jenga pieces of a person..down like a tower. Down like a..burning man. I appreciate the sensitivities of old world families & boat people. Khazar, Ashkenaz, Russian, Serbian, who fucking cares..it's not SOoo important here. I mean, that stuff is INTERESTING to me, I have respect, but 99% of people don't give a shit. If you rub it in their face too much, they'll go all Bill Poole "Native American" on you at some point. We are just capsules of energy in a body with its own burdens at the end of the day. I've been into "aryan" looking people, I've been into people that are hardly so. I like what I am like & I like what I am not like: dark hair, brown eyes. I do not look very Roma like some in my family do. I tend to like people's spirits more than anything. EH would listen to crappy neo-folk bands that wore SS uniforms and shit, would want me to identify as Aryan, which is a lie there is no such thing..Romani is an indo-aryan language. Aryan is a group of languages spoken by people with dark hair & odd customs who would've found themselves in Birkenau 70 years ago.

EH would ask me about the Taggarts who are from Ulster, because she'd gone to Ireland several times..I couldn't say much, never had the money to go, but I'd done research, would talk about it. Finally I'd be like "hush up, let's go to the beach, you are upsetting me, let's live & not talk about a country I can't afford to go to". Then she'd sing these dumb Sinn Fein pub songs about killing protestants..yeah, killing other Irish because they worship god differently, that is what it is to be Irish. I always thought it was Swift, Keats, old St. Patrick, leprechauns, and making the best of a bad hand. Then..Oh, you're German, heil hitler! Yeah, well Goethe was a German who stomps Nietzche's balls, as was Oscar Schindler. I don't speak German anyway & I give a shit about an Austrian homo who ripped off Chaplin's moustache and was obsessed with genes & being King Crap on Crap Mountain. He would fuck prostitutes, then blame da jooz. He even fucked his niece & imprisoned her..a real gem. Should've been more concerned with how he was livin and where he was going. Myself, I'd take painting boring postcards out in the street any day over being in history books as a notoriously evil asshole. Soothe my soul because I am more DiCaprio Dead Rabbit than I am Bill Poole with his tophats & clubbing of Black Irish fresh off the boat. On very rare occasions I LOVE a steak though, & I when I do I like it bloody. Jesus. Drugs.

"Asian food, watch some blaxploitation with me, watch me play with my hair, get high, hush and dont think about inconsequential stuff so much"...THAT is for ME. God of mercy, I want some mo of dat! Been sooo long since I felt comfortable with someone that it was actually UNcomfortable. Would always be "Eww, you like reggae. What, do you think yer BLACK!!" An' I'm black ya'll, and I'm back ya'll, and I'm bliggidy black-black-da-black yall. NO, I don't think I'm black, for pete's sake, I like good music. Toots & The Maytals, Burning Spear, Trojan Label, Dub, Dubstep, Rocksteady, Dancehall, I like all that stuff. Let's face it, most American pop music is ripped off from black people anyway, why get all fucking racist & uppity. It's like these rednecks that listen to Charlie Pride.."Ah yeah, this here guy's singin mah SONG!"..then they see the album cover.."gerddam, this here baww's COLORED! This CD's comin' to tha firin' range!" Yeah, he is black Captain Obvious. Now you don't like the song anymore? OH NO, it might make ya wanna smoke pot, listen to jazz & fuck a black woman! Next thing ya know, you'll be jumping out of 10-story windows with your cowboy hat as a parachute. Charlie Pride Madness! Beware Charlie Pride's black mamba of yetzer hocus, for it is strong.