Truck Sleepers - Romani RV

"Aww yea, Happy Feet, pedal to the metal, mofo! (SSSCRREEEEEECH BLAM!)"

Here We Go...

I will do this again...I had an idea awhile back for time-released blog posts for people I wanted to be able to read when I was indisposed or couldn't be there for them.

MMar 8, 2010
Notes From The Waiting Room - Part One

"Love" What is it? To be honest, I have no clue. Most people dont, yet trick themselves into thinking they do. WHat the hell is It. Well...it's insanity. More so today in a loveless world...what's the divorce rate up to now? It's an invention of the greeting card industry..yes, its mos def that. But It's also mutual, SENSIBLE sacrifice. It's wanting to declare a geehawd on a million muthafuckas WITH someone..not FOR them or against them. Four chambers in the heart, to be loaded with bullets to shoot at a wicked world. A pilot & copilot in a B52 bomber. Its kinship...but it has to go beyond that. It is NOT waiting in vain...but if it's mutual you can wait until the Sun turns supernova. You can wait until generations of stars become wishes. It IS insanity...but it has to be measured insanity to be a healthy insanity, small doses... "A little nonsense now & then is treasured by the wisest men". Well, that's what I *think* Love is....but what the fuck do I know?

Miami Like A Mofo

Israel to Build Civilian Nuclear Power Plants

Israeli Nuclear Power

Well, here we go. Israel has no oil. Of course, we're all supposed to believe that Iran, which sits on huge oil reserves, wants nuclear power for "peaceful purposes". MY ASS. The Magical Imam from the 5th Dimension or whatever can be content with the billions of gallons of oil. OPEC probably ain't too happy about this.

Can we just have George Jetson electric cars already?

The Kind Of Communism For Me

I don't believe communism works as a system for nation states that are a hodge podge of different peoples with different values. But, among people that share most values, ideals, I believe it works. Works like this:

Person 1: My scanner is busted and I can't afford a new one right now. I gotta scan all this stuff so I can put it online!
Person 2: Well, come over and we'll scan all of it. You can come use my scanner until you can afford your own.
Person 1: Thanks!

Speaking of which, communism, soviets...I think it went something like this. It was sort of the battle of the moustaches:

Leo Trotsky: Er, Mr. Secretary, perhaps we should worry more about our problems here, not going around telling everyone outside of Russia what to do.

Stalin: HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME?! I am the GREAT STALIN, Lord Hammer on Hammer Mountain!

Leo Trotsky: Преданная революция: Что такое СССР и куда он идет?
!
Stalin: That's all greek to me, pal. I'm a Georgian, I can barely write in that language. TO EXILE WITH YOU, YOU ARE A THREAT TO MY POSITION AS GENERAL SECRETARY!

(Or maybe it was the other way around, who can fucking remember, the result always seems to be the same with authoritarians & empires)

Leo Trotsky: I'm so hosed! I'm going to write about it. And I'm going to write about what a moron Stalin is. At least I have a few friends & my typewriter.

(Later)

Communist Yes Man #1: Generalissimo, Father Russia, who is not Russian, but nevermind...anyway, we made that deal with Hitler so we could grab some of that Poland action.

Stalin: Speciba speciba. That is good.

Communist Yes Man #2: Lord Shit on Shit Mountain, we invaded Finland like you said to! THEY ARE KICKING OUR ASS! This isn't a cakewalk like we thought it would be. A bunch of crazy laplanders with skis are taking out our tanks with cheap molotov cocktails! A $5M tank fried by a 5 cent bottle full of petrol!

Stalin: So? Put mesh over the exhausts on the tanks so they can't throw them in there.

Communist Yes Man #2: WE DID THAT! Now they strap rocks to the molotovs so they break over the mesh anyway. These Finns are fucking crazy. They defy you. And they defy Hitler too, they're playing us off of one another!

Stalin: Throw more men at them. If there's one thing the motherland has, it's plenty of cannonfodder.

Communist Yes Man #3: Big Daddy! We just got word that Trotsky wrote a book that totally tears you a new asshole!

Stalin: HIM AGAIN!!? Send out death squads! Doesn't he know I am like Hitler with a bigger moustache?

Seriously, only Magnum PI should have a moustache. Or Higgins, his stache was cooler because he was british. British guys just seem to make sense with mustaches.

Clive: OH NIGEL, might you have any dapper dan?

Nigel: Why yes, Clive. Fancy a spot of tea? Perhaps some soldiers (toast for tea).

Clive: Oh Nigel, is there nothing better than waxing your moustache while having a spot of tea?

Nigel: I know of nothing more satisfying. Fancy a fag?

Clive: Beg your pardon? Nigel, I may be effete and cultured, but...

Nigel: A cigarette, my good man!

Clive: Oh!

Nigel & Clive: Hahahahahaha! Jolly old times!

Magnum PI can rock a stache. If you want a stache, you must be one of the following people:

British
Tom Selleck
Charlie Chaplin (a Romani, Hitler ripped off his stache)
Wyatt Earp or Doc Holliday or some badass like that.
That cartoon guy puts girls on train tracks, Dastardly Dan.
Ming The Merciless
Raz Al Ghul from the Batman comics
Groucho Marx

Okay, most of those are fictional people, but you get the point.

I met this guy once who had a moustache. And a gold tooth too, I guess he was going fullhog. His name is Eugene Hutz. He's in a band that are really awesome, Gogol Bordello. My friend Miko wanted to get a picture with him. Miko puts on some sunglasses & just stands in front of Hutz like he's the fucking Eifel Tower or something. Nope, you can't do that with a Romani. If you want a real picture of them, have to get one of them living. Hutz was okay with that, but Miko wouldn't just ask him to take a picture with him. Damn, Miko. Can talk his way into any girl's pants, usually one I would be interested in, but can't do that for some reason. I didn't want a picture with Hutz. I wanted to talk to him. Haha. I did. He was sharp. I saw them at a small show, which they played like it was a huge stadium show, because that is what they do. If there's 30 people there, they play just like it's 3,000 people. He was just sort of hanging out on the wall, chilling, watching the bassist from his band DJ. He was a pretty intense dude. Chernobyl kind of ripped his family in two. I wish that easily avoidable stupid disaster had never happened, the Soviets fucked up royally. I read a good article about it in Natl Geo not that long ago on modern nuclear power plants. No boxcutter kamikazee could take one out. Those 30,000 fatcat Saudi royals who drink on planes then go back to SA and tell people they can't drink and tell women they can't drive, I pray for the day they are scrubbing floors with everyone else.

Rich Saudi Prince 1: Holy crap! America built 20 new nuclear power plants!

Rich Saudi Prince 2: Allahhu ackbar! We are fucked! God is great in his fucking of us!

Rich Saudi Prince 1: Damn it. Now I'll only be able to have 3 wives and 4 supermodel girlfriends!

Rich Saudi Prince 3: The King said to load all the diamonds on the plane, we gotta jet.

Rich Saudi Prince 4: HAHA, Ali, you make PUN!

Rich Saudi Prince 3: (Pulls out pistol: BLAM) He was the stupid brother anyway.

And then there were three.

Book Review: People Of The Lie

In this society, everyone is narcissistic to a degree. A narcissistic person is not necessarily a destructive, evil person. Narcissism may be a phase someone is going through, a growth spurt.

This book, by M. Scott Peck though, posits that evil does exist and should be considered a psychiatric disorder.

In some circumstances, I do believe it is better to call a person evil. It's rare to encounter a person that is truly such..woe to you if you ever do. Evil is a sequence...let's pretend it is a sequence of binary. Each byte, equals a binary act of evil. Let's think of the human brain as what it is, a computer. If a person executes a byte and sees that the consequences do harm, and does not readjust, then they do that say megabytes of times in their life, then one becomes a sequence of evil that is hard to reprogram. Others can become pulled into this sequence, these people have a gravitational pull like a black hole.

Adolf Hitler was an evil sequence. He hated his lineage, hated his parents - really, hated his father who was an abusive drunk...he hated himself. All that hatred, all those things within himself that he hated, he projected onto those he considered weak & inferior - Jews, Romani ("gypsies"), the mentally ill, the handicapped, homosexuals (which is ironic, since some Nazis were obviously homo to the max), dissenters, communists, libertines, etc. Pretty much all life within and without the borders of the Fodderland. When they'd run out of people to kill, they started turning on each other. The movie Downfall does a good job of showing the rats either leaving the ship or trying to take as many down with them as possible.

People Of The Lie is about a form of pathological narcissism called "Malignant Narcissism". An MN can be a dictator, an MN can be someone of much lower status, yet have similar charisma. Wherever an MN is, though, there will be disorder, chaos, corruption & a climate of fear. Enron is a good example of a company run by malignant narcissists.

Social Work

For a bit, I volunteered at an animal shelter. That was heartbreaking sometimes, but easy. Animals don't talk. This is good.

When I worked for the library system, that was like full-time social work.

I'd help with programs for kids. I'd do displays with kids books and stuff like that, pretty fun. I'd do programs for senior citizens to kind of break up the drudgery. Now, THAT was capital C Cool. I like the old folks. They're easy to deal with, believe it or not. They're no bullshit people. I dig that. AND, I'd do stuff like "Web Surfing 101" to show them how to create an email account, how to find contacts, how to use the url bar & web browser..even how to use a mouse and basic computer skills. They're like little kids at an amusement park with that stuff. I'd use the analogy that a computer was sort of like a desk..there was a workspace, the "DESKTOP", then there were drawers, the partitions and drives. Man, it was like A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court.

Old Lady: What do these buttons on the mouse do?
Me: Depending on what program you are using, it selects. If you are holding it over a program and double click, it opens the program. In the internet browser we're using, the left one selects whatever you are holding it on. This underlined text is a link. If you want to go to that page, you hold the mouse cursor over it...
Old Lady: Ooooh
Me: Then use the left mouse button to open it...
Old Lady: Aaaah. You are a smart young man. Where did you learn this magic, wondrous being from outer space? What does the right button do?
Me: That is the options button. If you are on a link and say, you don't want to lose the page you're on, want to open a NEW window, you click that button..
Old Folks: OOOOOH. (murmuring & chatter)
Me: NOW FOR MY NEXT TRICK, ROCKY, WATCH ME PULL A RABBIT OUT OF THIS HAT!

Sometimes schizophrenics would come in. What a trip they can be. I would usually be the one to deal with them, as I am a bit crazy myself. I'd get the Spanish speakers too, because nobody else even spoke the least bit of espanol. The schizos, they get on their helltrips, believe black helicopters are out to get them, or everyone is out to get them..on the latter, they are often not too far off. WHATEVER crazy shit they'd be telling me, I'd nod my head, be sympathetic, take them seriously. That would calm them down, just someone taking the abject terror they are always in seriously.

I had my life threatened on several occasions by thugs or crazy people. A few times I'd walk into the lavatory and there'd be a homeless dude shaving or something. No problem, just don't leave a mess, I would say. The WORST ever was this beautiful, smart chick that came in who I was interested in. Hey, I was a single guy, she liked me, after a few times of flirting with her, it was time to make a move...she went off into the stacks to find a book I'd given her the Dewey on, and I did the ole eyebrow swipe waiting for her to come back. A minute or so later..

Girl: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU'RE DISGUSTING! THIS IS A PUBLIC LIBRARY!! Omigod, he is PLAYING WITH HIMSELF!
I run over there and some old Abe Begoda dude is shuffling off...
Abe Begoda: I'm sorry. (murmer murmer) It's a medical condition...
Me: You got about 5 seconds to get the hell out of here before I give you a REAL medical condition.
The girl left a minute later after one of the ladies consoled her. She was sobbing, terrified. Never saw her again. I can't ever watch fucking Barney Miller because of that guy. Jesus. Every time, some asshole has to mess with my game. Should've castrated that guy.."Consider your medical condition healed". Hesus, they sell porno tapes for a reason. Oh, I also loved the occasional guy that would come in and use the internet computers to print off incredibly graphic images of porn, totally oblivious that there's anything socially irresponsible about doing that. Wait right there, pal, I've got a cop & a restraining order on the way.

The kids were the hardest for me. I was one of TWO guys that worked there, three at the most...who was usually tasked to be bad guy for these kids, let them know even we, the public library, did not want them? YOU GUESSED IT. You think the biddys wanted to do that crap? Sometimes they would if I wasn't handy. Another time this kid was outside, cursing up a storm. Was like that scene in Flatliners where Kevin Bacon gets his ass chewed by the spectre of the little black girl he and his friends teased...

Me: Hey there buddy, what's up. You okay?
Lil Black Kid: CRACKER ASS, FLAT SKULLED, POCKETY-PANTS LIMPDICKED MUTHAFUCKA!
Me: Oh. Why good day to you too, young man. YOU STOLE FIZZY LIFTING DRINKS, YOU CONTAMINATED THE STERILE CEILING WHICH NOW HAS TO BE DECONTAMINATED..I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR!

Always these parents would drop their kids off and just leave them there, for HOURS. On school days, there'd be kids in there...I KNOW this is a school day, why am I the only one gives a crap? Not library policy, huh. Diffusion of responsibility. I'd grill them. "Oh, I got suspended for two weeks". Great. 90% of them, would they come in and read a book? HELL NO! They'd come and play video games on the computer. When their time was up, off to sit at a table and wreck havoc. HEY, HERE'S AN IDEA..THERE'S ALL THESE BOOKS IN HERE, WHY DON'T YOU READ ONE. "Oh. Ok. Hey, this book is pretty good". BAM! Thank you. Yes it is. "Is it my time to get on the puter yet"? (Face:palm) Shit, I LOVED the library in the podunk burgh I grew up in. "Ah, the quiet sanctuary of the musty lyeberry..the card drawers, the old smell. The fragrant takashiwa of little ole lady libarians that dress like pastel nuns. This is tranquility." 1st offense is Sh! 2nd is Shhh! 3rd is SHHHHHH! A library in a major city though is a damn daycare for the disadvantaged. Freaking romper room. I lost count of the times I'd be there like 30 minutes past close, off the clock, waiting for some parent to come for them. The unwanteds & undesirables.

Me: So..is your mommy coming?
Kid: I dunno. She at work or somethin. She said she be here.
Me: What about your daddy.
Kid: (Shrug) He in jail. She got a boyfriend now.

I did social programs in Christian Academy & at church. And I did it for years working & volunteering for JPL. All these people that don't/can't/won't have kids...well, I can relate. But since there's all these little kids that don't have any role models, and since they didn't really ask to be born, maybe some of our cornfed, uppercrust spoiled asses could spare a day or two a month to take them fishing or to see a movie about tapdancing dogs. I don't know.

Lieberry. Me and this hilarious gay dude, Mark, would make fun of the way one of the other Library Assistant would say library.

Me: Hey Mark, you got any o dose lieberries? I am hun-gary.
Mark: I dunno, why lemmie see! YES, I picked em just now (feigns pulling something out of his ass, razz tongue) BRRRRPPPP!

Often a dumbass would clog the toilet up with paper towels. Ya know, there'd be a FULL ROLL of toilet paper RIGHT THERE..paper towels in the toilet. I'd grab the plunger from the employee breakroom, but the head librarian would say "No no, that's maintenance's job. Let's call them".

Awww YEAH, It's Motel time!

Motel was this old Russian immigrant. Really cool guy, I wish I'd recorded alot of the stuff he'd say. He preferred to be called Mark, so I did. 30 minutes or so later, in would saunter Motel. He'd go in the bathroom, then waltz out plunger in hand.."Whew! Okiedokie. Sheet gone now, no more sheet! Hard job! Heehee". Always a glimmer in that guy's eye. He'd go sit at the breakroom table for 10 or 15 minutes and I'd grab him something to drink. "Oyayee, my back. Dey always say Americans vin vorld var two. Not true. You know what vin vorld var two? RUSSIAN WODKA! German blood FREEZE UP in vinter! Wodka keep blood VARM!" Haha. True. Frozen like teutonic totems at Stalingrad & Kursk.